We met Elong Musk when he was taking apart a catalytic converter to use in one of his space rockets.

He told us that if we lent him $5 to take the bus home he would make sure the CIA stopped sending messages through the radio into our brains!

So far so good!

We interviewed Oprah Winfrey in the cellar of our dealer’s house. She gave us a stick-n-poke tattoo and told us about how her ex slept with her cousin and stole her dog. Then she astounded us with these inspiring words.

We hope you get your dog back, Oprah!

We met Brad Williams in a movie theatre that was playing The Rocky Horror Picture Show. He confessed that he was born a woman, then gave us a lap dance for 45 minutes while chain smoking Marlboro Lights.

We’ll always remember you, Brad!

Fuck you, Rob Schneider. You know we needed that money.